


Strange Admiration

by stelladora



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 16:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5878222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stelladora/pseuds/stelladora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“If I wake up one day remembering everything and hating you again, just know that…I have valued our conversations,” Ren said, a little awkwardly.<br/>Hux was quiet a moment, unsure of what to say. He hadn’t expected that sort of…compliment? Confession?  “Thank you,” Hux said uncertainly. “That is, I…I’ve also considered…” Hux stopped, closing his mouth before he made a bigger fool of himself. He huffed out a sigh though his nose. “Me too,” he finally managed, dropping any pretense of formality. </p><p>Ren loses his memory after the battle at Starkiller base. Hux finds it difficult to reconcile the Ren he's come to know with the person now in front of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strange Admiration

_This is adrenaline from the intensity of the situation_ , Hux thought to himself as the speeder scanned the surface of Starkiller base. _The planet is imploding, it’s a natural response. It has nothing to do with him. Get control of the situation, do what was asked of you—_

One of the instruments in front of him made a noise, calling his attention. Hux landed the small craft, pushing away any thought that wasn’t immediately useful. Why _he_ had been the one charged with retrieving Kylo Ren after this melodramatic stunt, Hux didn’t know. It wasn’t his place to question Snoke’s directives. And this was, perhaps, better; this way, he wouldn’t have to wait around for news of Ren, or to hear how things had gone.

Hux broke off that line of thought immediately as he exited the speeder. _I don’t care about Kylo Ren. I care about performing the tasks Snoke sets me._ On the surface of the planet, he could feel the ground shaking underneath him. He ran to the location of the signal, praying that this absurd rescue mission wouldn’t be the death of both of them.

Ren was lying unconscious in the snow. Hux stooped down, knowing that attempting to wake Ren and get him to walk would waste time he doubted they had. Hux had little medical experience, but he could tell with a glance that Ren had sustained significant injuries. The snow around him was stained red, and there was a grotesque gash across his face. There was something unnatural in the way the body was lying, and Hux concluded that several bones were broken. Hux sighed, the sound coming out almost like a growl, and tried to pull Ren up without causing any further damage. When he’d hoisted Ren halfway up, Hux saw the lightsaber, starkly black against the white ground. He thought about leaving it—he hated those things, and doubtless it would prevent the unnecessary destruction of whatever was in Ren’s reach when he threw his next tantrum. But Hux knew that Ren would throw an even bigger fit if he lost his favorite toy. He reluctantly picked up the lightsaber, holding it delicately in his fingers as he slipped it into the interior pocket of his cloak, hoping it wouldn’t go off accidently and impale him. Hux adjusted his grip on the body, dragging him by the underarms toward the speeder. Of course, they didn’t make the most graceful pair, and later, when he had time to reflect, the corners of Hux’s mouth turned up in a wicked smile, remembering how the high-and-mighty Kylo Ren had been dragged across the wet snow like a sack of grain.

Hux finally maneuvered Ren into the craft and set off, wasting no time getting away from the impending disaster. His jaw was clenched tightly, frustration thrumming in his veins. Perhaps it was a blessing that Ren was already unconscious, because had he not been, Hux definitely would have shouted himself hoarse in a screaming match with him. _This is all Ren’s fault, anyway. If he’d just taken the droid as we’d been instructed to…_

Medics were waiting when he disembarked onboard the _Finalizer_. Hux took a deep breath, huffing the air out through his nose. “Call me if anything drastic happens,” he said to one of the medics. It would undoubtedly be inconvenient if Ren were to die, but at that moment, Hux’s rage prevented him from caring much either way. He left them to their work, striding away before they’d even managed to pull Ren from the speeder. His mission was completed, and Snoke couldn’t fault him if the medics failed to do their job. Besides, Hux now had more important things to worry about. He strode down the corridor to his chamber, furious and already planning on how best to strike back at the Resistance. He threw his cloak onto the coat stand near the door and washed his face before returning to the bridge, intently focused on fixing this disaster.

There was a significant amount of damage control to be done; the next few hours were a hectic blur of conferences, reports, and attempts to prevent himself from grinding his teeth down in his anger. He barked out an order to set a course for the coordinates he’d received from Snoke, where they would take Ren. It was a planet somewhere in the outer rim, someplace small and insignificant where Ren would complete his training. Hux knew better than to think he would be welcome there himself to meet with Snoke face to face. Even when Ren failed, he was still more valuable to Snoke than Hux.

He blamed Ren for what had happened, cursing him at every spare moment. But there was an unshakable voice in the back of his head which told him that Ren wasn’t the only one to blame.

_Starkiller base was under your control. You knew of the Resistance, you should have foreseen an act of this nature. You should have been better defended, you shouldn’t have been so stupid—_

“General?” came a voice beside him. Hux pushed away the thoughts that had been churning in his mind and released his white-knuckled grip on the railing in front of him, which he hadn’t noticed he was holding. He turned, acknowledging the medic that was standing next to him. “Kylo Ren has regained consciousness, sir,” she said, speaking clearly and confidently as if to counteract the nervousness Hux detected in her face.

“Fine,” said Hux tersely. He knew there would be no use lashing out at the woman, screaming at her and telling her he couldn’t care less about that _child_ ’s well-being. He prided himself on being able to control his emotions, at least to a better extent than Ren (though that wasn’t setting a very high bar).

“Sir, he’s…Dr. Avann would like to see you,” she said, overcoming the momentary meekness in her voice.

Hux rolled his eyes; he had more important things to do than listen to the head of the medical staff list the details of Ren’s injuries. It sufficed for him to know that Ren was alive and able to be delivered to Snoke. Hux froze where he stood when that thought crossed his mind. _Snoke may not respond favorably to having his protégé_ (even in his thoughts, Hux all but spat the word out) _return to him maimed and mangled._ If Snoke discovered that Hux had allowed Ren’s health to atrophy, he certainly wouldn’t be pleased. Hux had accrued enough of the Supreme Leader’s displeasure lately, and he didn’t want to risk more. Swallowing his protests, he nodded curtly and left the bridge, heading to Ren’s chambers.

 

 

“General,” Dr. Avann greeted him politely. She was a severe-looking woman, with very angular features which were not softened by her thin frame or taught posture. According to reports, Avann was widely respected and admired on the _Finalizer_ for her efficiency and aptitude. That being said, she had a short temper and no patience for either wallowing patients or incompetent medics. “Kylo Ren is awake, but remains in critical condition.”

“Is that all you called me here for, Doctor?” Hux asked tersely, crossing his arms and not bothering to take a seat in the sitting room in Ren’s chambers. His father had always managed to look imposing even while seated—Hux had several memories of being called into his office at the Academy. Even while in a lower position, Brendol Hux had radiated coldness, severity. The few memories Hux had of home were similar. But Hux himself had never managed to emulate this trait of his father’s. _One of many differences between us. Or as he would phrase it, one of my many shortcomings_ , Hux thought.

“Of course not. Among the extensive physical injuries—some broken ribs, most notably, which I’ve mended but are still fragile—he has sustained some brain damage,” Avann reported. Hux felt his body reacting to the news before he fully processed it in his own head. His brow furrowed and his jaw tightened as it usually did when he heard unpleasant news. “He appears to have amnesia, albeit a minor case. We cannot be sure exactly how extensive it is, nor when his memory will return to him. Until then, he should be kept here where he can rest and recover. Someone will be on hand for the next few days to perform regular check-ups and any other medical care that may be required. Will you need anything else, General?” Avann asked.

_Amnesia? What if it affects his training with Snoke? What if he doesn’t remember anything about the First Order, or me?_

Hux pushed away those thoughts. Speculation wasn’t useful. “I’d like to see him to ascertain the extent of his injury,” he said evenly to Avann.

“Of course, sir.”

“Ren is a priority,” Hux said, hating the fact that he needed to give any more fuel for Ren’s ego, even out of the man’s hearing. “I don’t want to deliver damaged goods to Supreme Leader Snoke. Find a way to fix his head,” he ordered.

“There’s a limit to what we can do, medical science isn’t equipped—” Hux glared at Avann, and she snapped her mouth shut, resuming her usual bowstring-tight posture. “I will see to it personally. Is that all?”

“Yes, thank you,” Hux dismissed her. Dr. Avann strode out of the room, followed by two younger medics carrying cases that held various types of equipment. The room felt too quiet without them, ominously so, despite knowing that there were guards stationed just outside the doors. Hux made his way to the bedroom, sneering as he saw Ren lying in bed, bandages around his otherwise bare abdomen.

“Hello, General,” Ren said. His voice was weak and, more surprisingly, devoid of any of the man’s customary derision or haughtiness. Ren attempted to sit up, but inhaled sharply, evidently jostling some of his still-healing bones. Hux watched in silence as he lay back down. “I heard you speaking to the doctor.”

There was something uncanny about Ren, something just a little bit wrong. For one, Ren had never referred to him as “General” unless it was sarcasm. Hux attributed it to the amnesia, and told himself it would pass. Ren would be back to his usual self soon, for better or worse. “You will have ample time to heal before we reach Supreme Leader Snoke,” Hux said, his tone businesslike. “He wishes you to complete your training.”

A spark of interest appeared in Ren’s eyes. “Excellent. I’m eager to join him.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “Are you, Ren? Surprising,” he mused. “I would have thought that after recent events, you would be ashamed enough to dread being in Snoke’s presence,” Hux said cuttingly.

Ren was quiet for a moment, and an odd change passed over his features. “I don’t remember the recent events you’re referring to,” he confessed, not meeting Hux’s eyes.

“What do you remember?” Hux asked tersely.

Ren sighed. “You want me to relate every memory I have? The most important thing is that I heal enough to complete my training with Snoke. That’s what I want,” Ren said. Hux could see the familiar intensity in his eyes, the same expression Ren had whenever he went on about the Force, or his training, or his own damn superiority. “Snoke will feel similarly, will he not?”

Hux practically snorted. “Why are you asking me?” _You’re his favorite_ , he thought.

“Am I? Well, then I suppose I have even less to worry about,” Ren said simply.

Hux just stared at him for a moment. “Did you just…? Don’t do that,” Hux said, feeling embarrassed as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He sounded like a child, but he’d always found Ren’s magic tricks annoying.

“Sorry. I’ll try,” Ren said.

Hux rolled his eyes, leaning against the wall opposite the bed as he spoke, secretly enjoying being able to look down at Ren as they spoke, for once. “My, my, Ren, your brain must really have been shaken up,” he said with a sneer.

“What makes you say that? And why do you keep calling me that? Ren isn’t my name, it’s a title, you know,” Ren pointed out.

Hux hid his chagrin; somewhere in the back of his mind, he had known that. But it seemed too informal to call him Kylo. “That didn’t stop you from calling me General, did it?” Hux said, knowing full well there was a difference but not sure of what else he could say to save face.

Ren dropped his gaze, looking down instead at the white bed sheets. “I don’t remember your name,” he muttered.

Hux didn’t bother to conceal his surprise. “Do you remember me at all? Or this ship?” he added hastily, not wanting to give Ren the wrong idea. True, it had only been a little over a month since Snoke had stationed Ren on the _Finalizer_ , but to lose even that much of one’s memory seemed startling to Hux. And he and Ren had been required to spend much of their time together, to both their irritation. How could he have forgotten that?

“…No,” Ren admitted, evidently forcing himself to keep eye contact with Hux in order to not appear weak. _A difficult task lying half-naked in bed,_ Hux thought. Ren scowled and pulled the sheets up higher, and Hux huffed, knowing that Ren had been reading his thoughts again.

“You’re onboard the _Finalizer_ , a Resurgent-class Star Destroyer. Snoke stationed you here about a month ago,” Hux explained dryly.

“And you are…?” Ren asked.

“Hux,” he said simply.

“Hux,” Ren repeated, as if trying on the name. “The medics told me you were the one who saved me.”

“Snoke ordered me to,” Hux explained.

“Would you have done it if he hadn’t ordered you to?” Ren asked, an odd expression on his face, one that seemed out of place somehow.

“No,” Hux replied without any hesitation.

Ren kept his face carefully blank as he nodded. “I see. Well, thank you, all the same,” he muttered.

Hux just stared at him. The person lying there in bed was so different from the Kylo Ren he knew. That man would never express gratitude to anyone but Snoke, and would never let anyone, least of all Hux, know of any weakness he felt. It seemed as though losing his memories had lowered Ren’s guard, made him more human. Hux wasn’t sure what to say to him; his usual venomous manner of addressing Ren seemed inappropriate for this situation. “I…must return to the bridge,” Hux finally said. “There’s a comm there,” he added, pointing to the table by the bed, “and there are medics assigned to look after you. Contact one of them if you need anything. And don’t do anything reckless, please,” he added, his old tone of exasperation that he’d used with Ren so often coming back naturally. “Snoke won’t appreciate me bringing him a corpse instead of an apprentice.”

A ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of Ren’s mouth. “Understood. I’ll use this time to meditate.”

Hux just nodded, giving Ren one last glance before he left his chambers. He’d never understood Ren’s propensity for meditation—in Hux’s view, it was supposed to make one calmer, and yet Ren was the least calm person he’d ever had the displeasure of working with. If he asked, Ren would probably give some long-winded answer about “the ways of the Force,” and say that Hux would never understand its mysteries. _Or at least, that’s what the old Ren would say_ , Hux reminded himself.

 

 

It would take a few days to reach the coordinates Snoke had given him, Hux learned. _Probably for the best,_ he thought. _That will give me time to plan a counterstrike against the Resistance. And it will give Ren time to heal._ Hux immediately broke off that line of thinking. _Avann has seen to Ren’s physical health. His broken bones have mended, he is in one piece. That is all I care about_. Hux’s mood darkened as he made an effort to quell the voice in the back of his mind which doubted that last assertion.

In the meantime, the rest of the day was taken up by the same hectic mass of reports, missives, and orders. In the wake of the incident— _don’t say disaster, stop calling it a disaster_ —it seemed as though everyone was scrambling to pick up the pieces and regain some semblance of order and efficiency. The hours slipped by quickly as Hux was kept busy by this flurry of activity, and it was late before he finally found himself in his own quarters again.

Hux tried to clear his head of all the day’s stress as he ate the meal that had been brought for him. Despite not having eaten all day, Hux found he didn’t have much of an appetite. He pushed the half-finished food away and stood, going into the bathroom. Doing his best to avoid catching sight of his nodoubt haggard reflection in the mirror, Hux opened the cabinet and found the small bottle of painkillers. There were only a few capsules left, much to his annoyance. He took two of them.

As he showered and dressed for bed, Hux found himself thinking of Ren. Would the dynamic between them be different now that Ren couldn’t remember anything about him? Should Hux try to make a fresh start, try to become friends with Ren? And if Hux made an effort to be on better terms with Ren, what would happen when Ren regained his memories? Hux sighed. He was thinking in circles, with no hope of an answer. As he got into bed, Hux resolved to put an end to that useless line of inquiry, and face the morning with renewed application to the more pressing question of the Resistance.

 

 

Hux was accustomed to being woken from sleep by the beeping alert of his comm, but he still grumbled whenever it happened. He sat up, reluctantly facing the colder air as he pushed the blankets away from his body and reached for his comm unit on the bedside table. “Yes, what is it?” he asked, sitting upright on the edge of his bed.

“Sir, there is an urgent call for you. A hologram,” came an officer’s voice, tinny through the comm speaker. She didn’t need to say anything more for Hux to know who wanted to speak to him. Most of the lower-ranking officers were afraid to say Snoke’s name, as if he were some sort of demon that they would inadvertently summon. Hux bolted up, loath to keep Snoke waiting.

“I’ll be there shortly. Did he only ask for me?”

“No sir, we’ve contacted Kylo Ren as well. He’s on his way.”

“Good.” Hux ended the call and hurried to retrieve a fresh uniform from the wardrobe built into the wall. He dressed and cleaned his teeth quickly before leaving his quarters, resisting the urge to sprint down the corridor. _Punctuality won’t mitigate his anger_ , Hux reminded himself. Still, he arrived within minutes of receiving the message on his comm, and evidently only just behind Ren.

“There you are,” Ren said, something like relief coloring his features.

“I didn’t think you’d be well enough to get out of bed,” Hux said with affected casualness and evident disdain.

Ren knitted his brows. “I’m fine, thank you. Let’s go in.”

The two walked side by side down the long walkway to where the projection typically appeared, massive and looming. Snoke flickered into view, and Hux could feel two sets of eyes on him, though Ren’s were more covert, as if he were watching for a cue. It was then that it struck Hux: Ren must have no memory of these conversations with Snoke. The memory of his own increased heartbeat and embarrassing vocal tremor during his first meeting with the Supreme Leader came back to Hux in a flash. Now, however, it was too late to do anything to prepare Ren. Hux bowed his head, and Ren followed suit.

“The Resistance has caused significant damage…” Snoke began. His voice was languid and resonant, seeming to fill the entire chamber though it wasn’t overly loud.

“We are planning a counterattack, Supreme Leader,” Hux said with confidence.

“Do nothing without my leave. I will not have your recklessness endanger our cause again, General,” Snoke chastised.

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Hux bowed his head deferentially, glad that Ren wouldn’t be able to see him blush through the dim light.

“Kylo Ren, your defeat at the hands of the scavenger is most displeasing,” Snoke went on, evidently finished addressing Hux.

“I am ashamed to have failed you, Master,” Ren said. “But I am eager to rejoin you and finish my training so that I may prove myself worthy of your faith and teachings.”

Hux had to admire Ren’s rhetorical display; he’d seen Ren lying unconscious in the snow, and there had been no grace in that defeat. Yet now, Ren was smooth and confident. Even Snoke, unreadable as he was, seemed appeased by Ren’s groveling.

“Good. Until we meet, continue to meditate and hone what you have been taught. You will grow stronger in the ways of the Force. And General,” Snoke said, turning his eyes back to Hux, whose every muscle was tensed in an effort to stand as straight as possible, “I am eager to see how you handle this disaster.”

Hux bowed wordlessly as the hologram dissipated. “Typical,” he muttered under his breath as he turned and headed for the door. Ren had directly dishonored Snoke and his training. Ren had been bested by an untrained scavenger, a mere _child_ , and yet Hux was the one bearing the brunt of Snoke’s disappointment. Hux took a deep breath and tried to release the tension in his jaw.

“May I ask what plans you have for the Resistance?” Ren asked as they left the dim chamber and returned to the bridge.

“That information is classified,” Hux said, trying to mitigate the petulance in his tone. It didn’t quite work. Above all, Hux did not want to confess that he was struggling to come up with a plan, something grand enough to reestablish the First Order’s authority.

“You’ll think of something,” Ren said, his voice confident and as close to reassuring as Hux had ever heard it. It was jarring, and he glared at Ren, shocked to see an expression other than rage or indignation in Ren’s eyes.

That was when it struck Hux that Ren wasn’t wearing his mask. The other officers and engineers on the bridge clearly thought it was just as unusual; they averted their eyes as if it were bad luck to see Ren’s face.

“Your mask,” Hux said without thinking. “I don’t remember seeing it when— When I found you.” He attempted to downplay the importance of his actions the other day; he didn’t want more of Ren’s awkward gratitude.

“The mask is non-essential,” Ren said simply.

Hux raised an eyebrow. _Perhaps losing his memory also made him lose his theatrics,_ Hux thought. Ren smirked a little and Hux scowled, knowing Ren had heard his thoughts.

“All that matters to me now is resuming my training, growing stronger with the Force. I will not be defeated again,” Ren declared, a harshness in his voice that reminded Hux of the old Ren. “Do you— When you found me, did you happen to find my lightsaber?” he asked, a hint of anxiety showing through in the way Ren lowered his voice.

Hux had forgotten about it; the thing was probably still in the pocket of his cloak. “Yes, as a matter of fact. It’s in my quarters.”

Relief flickered across Ren’s features for a second before he resumed a blank expression. “Good. Obviously, I will need it before I rejoin Snoke. Return it at your leisure. I assume it is safe with you.”

“Excuse me?” Hux asked, bristling. He may not have used that type of ancient, idiotic weapon in his combat training at the Academy, but Hux resented any insinuation that he did not know how to fight. He opened his mouth to say something, to inform Ren that he’d gotten top marks in _all_ areas of study at the Academy, including three different types of combat—but Ren cut him off.

“I know you won’t lose track of it, is all I meant,” Ren clarified. “I trust you.”

Hux froze, processing the words he’d just heard and screeching his previous thoughts to a halt. He’d never known Ren to say something like that to anyone, least of all him. “Excuse me?” Hux said again, this time in tones more incredulous than angry.

“Should I not?” Ren asked, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Forgive me, I don’t remember the dynamics of our relationship at all.”

“I have no relationship with you,” Hux said quickly and disdainfully.

“Hm.” Ren made an enigmatic hum in response, and Hux chose to ignore it. He stood up straight and kept his mind carefully blank, not wanting to call Ren’s attention to the blush that was burning the tops of his ears.

“I’ll return your weapon. I have no need to keep it. Provided, of course, you don’t use it to destroy any First Order equipment,” Hux said pointedly. Ren’s tantrums were legendary, but to Hux they were just a nuisance, and an expensive one at that. He led the way down the corridor to his chamber.

“I don’t plan to,” Ren said uncertainly as he walked shoulder to shoulder with Hux.

Hux huffed out a mirthless laugh. “You know, I think I like you better without your memories,” Hux quipped.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,” Ren said, the smile more evident in his tone than on his face.

They stopped outside the reinforced door to Hux’s quarters, and Hux pressed his hand to the electronic panel, allowing it to perform the biometric scan. Ren, meanwhile, put a hand to his own ribs, as if to feel for any remaining fractures that Dr. Avann’s treatment had missed. Hux frowned as the door retracted and he led the way inside. “Sit. You shouldn’t be moving so much,” Hux said authoritatively.

“I told you, I’m fine,” Ren protested. Nevertheless, he took a seat on the sofa in the sitting room.

Hux was impressed; for once, Ren had chosen not to fight him on petty orders. “Dr. Avann may have managed to piece your ribs back together, but you’ll only make things worse by being reckless,” he pointed out, trying not to sound too much like a worried parent. It was a pity that even a doctor like Avann couldn’t cure Ren’s stubbornness. As he looked around the room for his cloak, Hux heard the familiar beeping of his datapad from the table. He picked it up and glanced at the screen. Seeing the sender’s name felt like a blow to the chest, but Hux immediately collected himself, conscious of Ren watching him from the sofa. The message was from his father. Keeping his face impassive, Hux opened the message and read.

_General,_

_I was upset to hear of the destruction of Starkiller base. Only someone of singular incompetence would allow their command station—especially one as critical to First Order operations as the Starkiller and its superweapon—to be destroyed by a gang of undisciplined thugs. I have to wonder how you made it through the Academy if it is been so easy for you to forget everything you learned there. I consider your actions shameful to both the First Order and to this family. Your failure has caused me considerable professional embarrassment, and I imagine that you will soon lose the faith of your subordinates. I can only hope that you are replaced swiftly, and by someone better suited to the position. I don’t suppose you will ever make up for this disaster, though you may spend the remainder of your life trying. Thus, it should be as obvious to you as it is to me why I choose to no longer acknowledge you as my son, nor a member of this family. Do not bring me further shame by protesting this decision._

_Commandant Brendol Hux._

            Hux read the missive with growing fury in his chest. He was, above all, ashamed that he had lost his father’s esteem so completely and irrevocably as to be disowned. Hux threw the datapad down onto the sofa where it landed with a thump and began pacing the room, trying to find an outlet for the emotions boiling inside him. He heard Ren pick up the datapad, but didn’t care enough to prevent him from reading what was still displayed on the screen. Hux’s own thoughts castigated him more than his father ever could; it had always been understood between them that Hux had never earned his father’s respect, and now there was no chance of it. He was a disgrace, not only to his father, but to the entire First Order, to Snoke, to himself. Hux stopped pacing, the frantic movement not working off his nerves like he’d wanted it to. He stood at the table, hands pressed flat on the dark surface, eyes staring at the grain of the wood before closing tightly to fight back tears of frustration. Had he not been conscious of Ren in the room, Hux may have given in to the childish practice of breaking things, yelling, throwing a tantrum.

“Hux?”

Ren’s voice cut through the churning in Hux’s own mind like a signal beam through the night sky, but Hux only scowled, refusing to follow it. Ren came to him, standing at his side. They were silent. The old Ren would have made some quip, something sarcastic that would lead to the two of them screaming in one another’s faces. What should Hux expect from this person? Sympathy? A few comforting words and a hug? They remained silent. Perhaps that was for the best. Eventually, Hux took in a deep breath through gritted teeth, filling his lungs before slowly pushing it out, ridding his body of all its stale air as if to start afresh.

“He’s been threatening to disown me for years,” Hux finally said. “I suppose I should be grateful that I’m not in suspense anymore.”

“His opinion of you doesn’t matter, you know that. The only thing that matters now is moving forward, finding a way to continue the work we’ve committed ourselves to,” Ren said authoritatively.

Hux knew there was truth to what Ren was saying, but he didn’t want to hear it right now. He just sighed in response, the sound coming out more like a growl.

“Hux, listen—”

He felt a tentative hand on his shoulder a split second before he stood up straight, moving across the room for no real reason other than to distance himself from an attempt at comfort he hadn’t expected and certainly didn’t deserve. “Don’t presume to give me sympathy, Ren,” Hux spat. “I don’t need that from _you_. I’m not going to sit here and talk about paternal approval with a man who murdered his own father.”

Hurting Ren would not make him feel any better. Hux knew that. And yet he’d aimed the words as if they were shots from a blaster, and they hit their mark. Ren froze, confusion and shock on his face. Hux knew instantly that he’d made a misstep.

“What?” Ren said, his voice hushed in disbelief.

Hux’s anger did fade a little as he watched Ren process the news, but it was replaced with something that was arguably worse. He had never seen that expression on Ren’s face before; that mixture of shock, horror, and grief didn’t belong there, and Hux instantly regretted being its cause.

“I…” Hux sighed, mentally kicking himself for having so little tact. _Yet another shortcoming_. “I apologize. I should have realized you… That wasn’t the best way to break that news.”

Ren took a deep breath and collected himself a little. He resumed his seat on the sofa, staring at the carpeted floor rather than at Hux. Feeling doubly ashamed now, Hux sank into the armchair across from the sofa. Each man was occupied with his own thoughts, and for once, Hux felt sure that Ren wasn’t interested in his. The silence stretched on, making the few minutes that passed feel much longer as each of them grappled with the recent news.

Ren stood up again after a while. “I’ll need my lightsaber,” he declared, his voice remarkably even.

Hux nodded and stood as well, resolving not to let himself wallow anymore. For all he cared, Brendol Hux was as dead as Han Solo. He went to the coat stand by the door and searched inside its pockets. As he’d expected, the lightsaber was still there. He held it out to Ren, who grabbed for it eagerly. Hux did not let go.

“You’ll have to promise not to destroy anything onboard if I let you have this,” Hux said, half-serious. It was a weak attempt at levity.

“Of course not. That would be counterproductive. The most important thing now is to train, to grow stronger. To achieve what Snoke expects of me, and what I expect of myself,” Ren declared.

Hux couldn’t help but smile. Without his memories, Ren seemed more rational, more urgently driven and less given to fits of rage. “Good.” He let go of the lightsaber, but held Ren’s gaze.

“…Thank you. That’s all I came for,” Ren said, his voice quiet as if it was only meant to carry through the space between the two of them. Hux had suddenly become aware of just how close they were standing, but somehow did not feel inclined to move. Ren offered his hand, and Hux hesitated only a split second before taking it. In all his time on board the _Finalizer_ , Hux realized, he and Ren had never shaken hands. Ren opened his mouth slightly, as if to say something else, but stopped himself.

Suddenly, Ren broke off the handshake, tore his gaze away from Hux’s, and hit the door control, sweeping out of the room as soon as there was enough space to fit his body through. The stillness that surrounded Hux seemed claustrophobic now. He collected himself and returned to work.

 

 

Writing the official report on the Starkiller incident took more time than Hux had anticipated, partially because he had to step away occasionally for fear he would grind his teeth flat. As relieved as he was to be done with the task, the idea that generations of First Order commanders would have access to the record of his failure was not an appealing one. Hux stood from his desk and stretched, turning his head in a circle to work out the sore spots in his neck.

The memory of what had passed between himself and Ren earlier that day still felt like a weight in his stomach. There was something different in their dynamic now. Before, he had understood how to handle Ren, and their interactions had been infuriating but predictable. Now, however, there was a discrepancy between the Ren he’d known and the man who was before him. Hux tried to put himself in Ren’s place, tried to think of how he’d act if he had lost all memories of someone. A part of him was still reluctant to cut Ren any slack, merely because of all the exasperating encounters the two of them had shared. But Hux knew that wasn’t fair. Ren was still ambitious and cunning, certainly, but there were unfamiliar aspects to him now as well. Hux’s thoughts kept going back to the fleeting moment when Ren had put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, or the unidentifiable expression he’d seen in Ren’s eyes when they shook hands.

Hux’s guilt at the thought of how he’d thrown Han Solo’s death in Ren’s face still plagued him. Rumors about that event circulated the ship in whispers, but Hux had been busy enough without addressing them. Solo had been in league with the Resistance, and had been a liability to the First Order. Hux was glad the old man was out of the equation. However, Hux’s angry mention of the event had proven that Ren was not able to see the situation in that same light. Objectively speaking, it was understandable that Ren would be upset. _Not everyone is blessed with a loveless family life_ , Hux thought bleakly.

After some deliberation, Hux sent the report he’d finished to Ren. There was information in there about Ren’s own part of the battle, and reading it could answer some of Ren’s questions. It may not fully make up for trying to hurt Ren like that, but Hux felt like he should make an effort. He didn’t ask himself why Ren’s opinion of him suddenly mattered so much.

 

 

People did not usually approach Hux while he ate in the dining room. Even when a captain or other high-ranking official did initiate a conversation, they usually stood, plate in hand, waiting for him to invite them to sit. Hux should have assumed that Ren would behave differently.

Previously, Ren had taken most of his meals in his own quarters. Hux had seen him in the common dining room perhaps once in his entire stay onboard the _Finalizer_ , not that he was keeping track of Ren’s habits, of course. Therefore, Hux was surprised when Ren wordlessly took a seat across from him, clattering flatware and a bowl of stew down onto the tabletop. Hux fought off his immediate instinct to make some derisive remark and instead only gazed quizzically at him.

“How long until we reach our destination, General?” Ren asked, spreading a napkin over his lap.

“The coordinates Snoke gave me are in the middle of nowhere, of course,” Hux said, making a conscious effort to stop observing Ren so intently. Instead, he adopted a tone of blank professionalism. “Even with all our engines at maximum, it will take another two or three days. And that’s only if our course is…unobstructed,” Hux explained. It was unlikely they would run into any Resistance fighters out here, but Hux knew that if they did, their only option would be to make annihilation of the rebel forces a top priority. Losing another battle with the Resistance would be more shame than Hux would bear. Ren nodded and lifted a spoonful to his mouth, apparently satisfied with the answer.

“I’m eager to get there,” Ren said after swallowing his food.

Hux raised an eyebrow in mock surprise at the obvious statement. “Are you saying you aren’t enjoying my company?” he asked teasingly.

“No, I’m just…” Seeing Hux’s smirk, Ren smiled, casting his eyes down at the tabletop. The expression faltered after a second, and Ren looked up at him, more serious. “Did the two of us have some sort of fight?” he asked. “I don’t understand why we weren’t on better terms. Wouldn’t it be more productive for us to cooperate?”

“Undoubtedly. But I always found you insufferable,” Hux said simply. Though he’d made that clear to Ren a hundred times before, this time was unique. It was as though they were talking about a third person who wasn’t present. They kept their voices down, both conscious of the other officers, engineers, and various employees bustling around them. “I assume you felt the same way about me. We rarely had a conversation that didn’t end in yelling or one of us storming out of the room.”

Ren frowned, looking confused. “It’s horrible, not remembering. I don’t feel like the person everyone says I am.” He shook his head, as if to force those thoughts out. “Do you remember what happened to us? What made us hate each other?” He voice sounded soft. If it hadn’t been such a glaring contradiction to Hux’s perception of Kylo Ren, he might have said the man sounded pleading.

“No,” Hux confessed. “I’d say it was probably a collection of things, rather than any one big argument.” He took a bite of his food, studying the man in front of him. It was undeniable that the dynamic between them was different now, and Hux resolved to stop fighting that change. As Ren had pointed out, it was more productive for them to cooperate.

“Well. If I wake up one day remembering everything and hating you again, just know that…I have valued our conversations,” Ren said, a little awkwardly. Though his eyes were fixed on Hux’s, the latter couldn’t understand the emotion he saw in them.

Hux was quiet a moment, unsure of what to say. He hadn’t expected that sort of…compliment? Confession?

“Thank you,” Hux said uncertainly. “That is, I…I’ve also considered…” Hux stopped, closing his mouth before he made a bigger fool of himself. He huffed out a sigh though his nose. “Me too,” he finally managed, dropping any pretense of formality. Ren was smiling at him ( _has that ever happened before?_ ), probably laughing at Hux’s floundering, but the expression was contagious. It felt odd to be sitting in public with Ren, both of them smiling down at their plates, too self-conscious to make eye contact. _I wonder what sort of gossip will spring up tomorrow,_ Hux thought, remembering all the people bustling around them in the dining room.

_Then would you like to go somewhere more private?_

Hux started, realizing that the voice he’d heard in his head wasn’t his own. He stared at Ren, eyes wide and body tense. Ren smirked, clearly enjoying seeing Hux so affronted. The fact that Ren was using his magic tricks to not only read Hux’s thoughts but to communicate with him was disconcerting. Even more so, perhaps, was the fact that Ren seemed to be flirting with him. Hux flickered through a million possible responses, all the while painfully aware that he was goggling at Ren like a fool.

Ren smirked. “Calm down, General. I didn’t mean it like that. Though it’s nice to know you’re not as unflappable as everyone thinks you are.” Ren took another nonchalant bite of his food while Hux composed himself, feeling a blush burning the tips of his ears.

“What did you mean, then?” Hux asked. He tried to overcome his embarrassment, which stemmed both from misinterpreting Ren’s offer and from the realization that a small part of him was disappointed. But only a small, irrational, negligible part of him.

“Exactly what I said. We could speak more freely in my quarters. Or yours, if you prefer,” Ren said simply.

“I have work to do,” Hux pointed out. Even in his own ears, it sounded like a lame excuse.

Ren was already moving to stand up. “Yours, then.”

Hux rolled his eyes, but also stood up from the small table. “Good to know you’re still so stubborn,” Hux grumbled. He ignored the flutter in his stomach, which had nothing to do with the half-eaten meal he left behind as he led Ren out of the dining room.

They were in the doorway when Hux’s comm unit began beeping. “Yes?” Hux answered.

The woman on the other end sounded harried; there was a slight tremor to her voice. “Sir, we’ve received notice of an intruder onboard, near the labs in Sector Five. We’ve locked down the area and have sent in a patrol.”

Hux’s jaw clenched and he took a deep breath in through his nose. “Prepare an interrogation room. I’ll join you at the bridge as soon as I can. And send in another patrol, I want this a top priority. And I want the intruder _alive_.” He clicked a button on the comm unit to end the conversation, then turned to Ren.

“Allow me to handle the interrogation,” Ren said before Hux could speak. There was a determination in Ren’s eyes that Hux hadn’t seen in some time.

Hux frowned, remembering the disastrous consequences when Ren interrogated the scavenger. He couldn’t afford another mistake like that. “Come. You’ll assist me.” Hux strode off down the corridor, and Ren quickly caught up, walking in stride with him. Hux interpreted his silence as acquiescence. As they walked, a voice came through the public address system.

“An intruder has been reported in Sector Five. TX- and RG-squadrons, report to Sector Five immediately.”

Hux tightened his jaw in anger, glaring up at one of the speakers in the ceiling. _Thanks to that, the intruder will know we’re searching for them,_ Hux thought.

“It’s not the worst that could happen. There’s only so many places a person can hide onboard, especially if the sector is locked down,” Ren pointed out. Hux stopped in his tracks and stared wide-eyed at Ren, who grew confused. “Sorry. I know you don’t like that—”

“Come with me,” Hux said, grabbing hold of Ren’s arm above the elbow and turning around, walking quickly in the opposite direction of the bridge. “You’re going to find the intruder.”

“ _I_ am? What do you mean?” Ren asked, hurrying along, wrenching his arm out of Hux’s grip.

“Their whereabouts have been narrowed down to a certain area. You go there, you…hear everyone’s thoughts,” Hux explained, formulating the plan in his own mind as he spoke. “Someone nearby will be thinking about not being caught, about an exit strategy. You follow those thoughts, we find our intruder.”

“General, that’s…You don’t understand. What you’re suggesting is difficult, even for—”

“But you’ll do it, Ren, because I have ordered you to.” Had they not been speeding down the corridor, Hux would have had time to fix Ren with an angry glare as he wanted to. As it were, Hux satisfied himself with making his voice harsh and authoritative in a way he had not done with Ren since before the accident. Ren did not respond, but Hux did not care. They walked on.

Reaching the boundary of the sector where the intruder was assumed to be, a guard stopped them. “Forgive me, General, the area is in lockdown,” she said. Hux couldn’t see her face through the helmet, yet he would bet anything that there was a barely-concealed look of terror on it. No one spoke to him like that.

“Why do you think we’re here?” Hux practically growled. “Open the door.” The guard did so, fumbling in an effort to be quick, and Hux and Ren walked on, hearing the solid thunk of the metal door sliding closed again behind them. Hux could feel Ren at his side, breathing deeply like he did when he meditated. “Well?” Hux asked, impatient.

“Shut up. It’s not instantaneous, you know. I have to concentrate,” Ren said irritably.

Hux fixed him with a scowl, wondering if Ren could feel it even though his eyes were closed. Hux then checked himself, trying to clear his mind and make his thoughts as quiet as possible, in case he somehow interfered. It was difficult, given the stress of the situation. Patrols of two or three stormtroopers walked heavily down the intersecting corridors. The operating panels for many of the doors beeped faintly, reporting the lockdown which only a captain or Hux himself had authority to override. The captains of RG- and TX-squadrons were bustling around, opening doors to allow labs, storage chambers, and offices to be searched. All the while, Ren walked slowly through the area, Hux in tow with a scowl on his face.

“Captain Requin,” Hux said, stopping the leader of one of the squads as she walked by. “Explain to me how this happened.” His tone was cold and harsh, but the woman remained unfazed.

“Reports are uncertain at the moment, General, but we believe she stowed away on a shuttle returning from the Ione system. She was spotted by one of our technicians in this sector about twenty minutes ago. As soon as we got the report, we locked the area down, so she must be close.”

“Then why haven’t you found her?” Hux asked derisively

One of the reasons Hux liked Captain Requin was that criticism made her work harder, as opposed to disheartening her. He didn’t care whether the woman was motivated by wanting to impress him or spite him: he only cared about the results. Now was no different: Requin raised her chin in defiance, and when she spoke, Hux heard a determined note in her voice.

“She will be found, General. I assume you will handle the interrogation personally?”

“Yes. Alert me as soon as she is found.”

Requin nodded and continued on, methodically and thoroughly searching Sector Five for the intruder. Hux turned and saw Ren a ways down the main corridor, still walking slowly like some kind of dark ghost as he scanned the area. As Hux approached, a stormtrooper, blaster in hand, walked by along the intersecting corridor. Hux saw Ren whirl around and extend his hand in a violent motion. The stormtrooper was whisked off their feet and slammed into the wall. It was a startling sight, and it took Hux aback before he realized that this was Ren’s doing.

“You know where the intruder is,” Ren declared, approaching the stormtrooper who was suspended a few inches off the ground, apparently by the neck given the gasping sounds that came from underneath the helmet. Hux hurriedly approached. “Speak.” Ren didn’t need to say anything else to intimidate the stormtrooper; the lower crew of the ship were the most superstitious and scared of Ren and his strange powers. Ren loosened his Force-hold on the stormtrooper’s neck just enough to allow speech.

“Th-the ventilation shaft. In that supply closet.”

 

 

A patrol was called, and the intruder apprehended. Hux had called back Captain Requin—the stormtrooper who had abetted the intruder was under her command—and had ordered the execution. After hearing what had happened, Requin had requested permission to carry out the sentence herself. Hux had granted the request, and the stormtrooper had been led away, their hysterical protests carrying down the corridor.

The intruder, when found, was taken to an interrogation room. Hux and Ren made their way there, Hux going over plans and protocols in his head. _We need to find out who she works for. Most likely the Resistance, but we need the name of her superior. Or, better yet, their location. And we need to know exactly how she managed to get onboard so we can ensure this doesn’t happen again. And what she was looking for—she was near the labs, so it was probably some attempt at recon, finding out what weapons we have in development…_ It didn’t matter to him that Ren didn’t respond; he was partially talking to himself anyway. He couldn’t afford to mess this up.

The guards at the interrogation room door let them in without a word, thankfully. The room was empty except for the restraints, in which a woman, perhaps ten years Hux’s senior, stopped struggling and looked up when they entered. She was short and stocky; Hux noticed the muscles tensed in her arms as she subtly tried to break out of the shackles around her wrists. The round pudginess of her face was made more obvious by her shaved head; she was not attractive, mostly because of the intense hatred her expression showed.

Hux approached her, Ren lurking in the background. For once, Hux wished that Ren was wearing that mask. If nothing else, it made him slightly more intimidating. “Who sent you here.” Hux’s tone was flat and restrained: he wanted to first gauge how the prisoner would behave. She didn’t respond, but kept staring at him as if her eyes could burn a hole in him. Hux took a step closer, putting himself within arm’s reach of her. “Who sent you?”

She said nothing.

The sound of Hux’s gloved hand colliding with her cheek echoed through the room, cutting through the silence like a thunderclap.

“Give me a name.” His voice was quiet and relaxed, as if he was merely asking about the weather. The threat underlining his demand was made all the more evident by his calm demeanor.

“Fuck you,” the woman spat.

Hux just sighed. “I don’t want to draw this out any longer than necessary. If you won’t speak with me, he will make short work of this interrogation,” Hux threatened, gesturing to Ren. “But I assure you, he’s a lot less pleasant.” Hux turned to Ren, who took his cue and approached the restraints as Hux moved away to stand behind the woman held up by the vertical gurney-like apparatus.

Hux watched as Ren extended his hand in the woman’s direction. She gasped, her whole body tensing as she fought against what Ren was doing to her. _Keep her alive until she tells us what we need to know,_ Hux thought clearly, trusting that Ren would hear him. After a few seconds, Ren lowered his hand, and the woman gasped for air.

“I’m not telling you anything,” the woman said breathlessly.

“You don’t need to. I can take what I need,” Ren said roughly, not making an effort to emulate Hux’s forced calm demeanor. “I can rip your mind apart piece by piece, searching through every scrap of memory. Your mind will deteriorate and shut down, starting with full-body paralysis. After I find the names of your rebel friends and the planet they’re hiding on, you will, with some luck, have enough consciousness left to understand what’s happening when I end your pitiful life.” Ren’s face was distorted with rage as he raised his hand again. The woman began screaming, making a disgusting, animalistic sound that filled the room.

Hux, behind her, raised a hand, signaling to Ren to stop. Ren, for once, was obedient, cutting off the torture with a violent movement of his arm. The woman slumped against the restraints, breathing heavily. “What were you looking for?” he demanded, his voice louder now.

“Plans. Weapons development, anything that would help the cause,” she said through gritted teeth.

“You expect me to believe that you risked _this_ to gain any information you stumbled upon?” Hux asked angrily. He looked back at Ren, who took his cue and resumed the torture.

The woman breathed raggedly, enduring the pain of having Ren crash through her mind in a blind search for information. “Stop! Stop it!” she screamed after over a minute passed.

“Do you have something to say?” Hux asked, shaking his head at Ren from behind the woman, telling him to continue.

“Records,” she panted. “The records of orphanages the First Order recruits stormtroopers from.”

Hux finally gave the signal to Ren, who lowered his hand. The woman slumped against the restraints, gasping for air. “Who wants that information?” Hux asked slowly, his patience growing thin.

“People who know how fucking sick it is that you brainwash _children_ ,” she managed to say angrily.

“That’s not a _name_ ,” Hux pointed out, pacing slowly in her blind spot.

“The Resistance will not be intimidated by you,” she said slowly, lifting her gaze to Ren rather than trying to turn to Hux.

Ren extended his hand again, slamming her backwards into the backboard of the restraints without waiting for Hux’s signal. She resisted for a few seconds before another scream of pain cut through the room. Hux circled back to the other side of the room, where he could face her. The look on her face was grotesque; her features were twisted and braced against what Hux knew would be an excruciating pain. Blood trickled slowly from both her nostrils. It didn’t take long before Ren stopped again.

“There’s a small Resistance base on Tibrin run by Commander Osova Lecotan. It has approximately seventy-five confirmed members,” Ren reported.

The woman made a noise somewhere between a sob and a growl. “We’ll give the people of Tibrin your regards,” Hux said to her, smiling triumphantly. He looked back at Ren, knowing he would hear his thoughts. _We’ll leave her alive for now, in case she thinks telling us anything else will earn her mercy_.

Ren nodded, and Hux heard Ren’s voice in his own head as they walked to the door. Ren stopped him, putting his hand on Hux’s shoulder. _General. Congratulations on your excellent handling of the interrogation._ Hux narrowed his eyes, not believing that he could have understood Ren correctly. _It was a commendable display of your skill_ , Ren continued.

Hux hesitated only a second before opening the door, leaving the woman and her muttered curses behind them. He spoke into his comm unit as he headed for the bridge. “Colonel Utke, Colonel Veilor. Gather everyone. The interrogation of the prisoner is finished. Meet in the conference room in Sector One.” There was a chorus of affirmatives, and the high-ranking officials assembled within minutes.

“The prisoner revealed the location of a Resistance base on Tibrin. It’s small, run by a Commander Osova Lecotan. One of their primary interests is preventing stormtrooper recruitment. Any other information about weapons production or our future plans was secondary to her mission,” Hux reported from his seat at the head of the table.

“Tibrin is a war-ravaged planet. I doubt the Ishi Tib wouldn’t pose much of a threat if we decided to act,” Veilor said.

“The planet is not along our current course, sir. In order to strike quickly, we would have to…postpone our current mission,” Utke pointed out, deliberately not looking at Ren. The news of Ren’s memory loss had only been shared with Hux himself and a select few medics Dr. Avann trusted with the case. Most of the _Finalizer_ ’s crew still knew Ren as volatile and, in their eyes, psychopathic. The fact that he’d stopped wearing the mask did not give anyone comfort; being able to see his eyes follow them was worse than the paranoia of imagining they were.

“Postponing a direct order from Supreme Leader Snoke is out of the question,” Hux said sharply. “In the time it takes to fulfill Snoke’s orders, we will devise an attack strategy. I want it razed to the ground and Lecotan captured.”

 

 

It had been a long day, and Hux could feel a headache blossoming at his temples when he finally exited the meeting room. They had only a rough outline of a plan, and Hux still needed to wait for Snoke’s approval, but he felt, overall, successful. He had seen the impressed look on some of his colleagues’ faces when he’d reported the results of the interrogation. Such a small victory couldn’t possibly make up for what had happened at Starkiller base, but Hux knew that his image had been improved by Ren’s generosity. It was odd to think of Ren as anything but self-serving, and Hux was still confused by the gesture.

“Come with me,” Hux said as he found Ren, who had exited the meeting room only a little ahead of him, on the bridge.

“What is it, General?” Ren asked, falling in step with Hux.

“I wish to speak with you,” Hux said simply. They walked the rest of the way to Hux’s chamber in silence. Ren’s words from earlier came back to him, making the tips of his ears blush. He hoped that Ren wouldn’t misinterpret his actions, but if Ren thought anything was out of the ordinary, he didn’t say a word.

“Have a seat,” Hux said as they entered his chamber.

“Am I in trouble?” Ren asked sarcastically. He nevertheless took a seat on the sofa.

Hux rolled his eyes, but couldn’t resist a small smile. It reminded him of his days at the Academy, the exchanges that would pass between his father and unruly students. _Between Commandant Brendol Hux and his students_ , Hux corrected himself. He chose to ignore that line of thought and instead went to a cabinet near the table, from which he retrieved two glasses and a bottle of scotch. He returned to Ren and sat in the armchair across from him, pouring them each a drink. “I don’t understand why you did that. Let me take the credit for the interrogation,” Hux began, pushing one glass toward Ren.

“Because you deserve their loyalty,” Ren said simply, taking the glass and cradling it in his fingers. “And I knew it would make you happy.”

Hux laughed outright at that. “Why would you care about my happiness?”

Ren opened his mouth but quickly closed it again, as if editing his reply. “You saved my life, Hux.” It wasn’t the tone of someone speaking to a superior, or even a colleague. Ren’s voice held an honesty and earnestness that Hux hadn’t heard directed at himself in a long while.

“…I told you, it was on Snoke’s orders,” Hux said, his eyes searching Ren’s face.

“Still.” Ren took a drink, holding Hux’s gaze.

The two didn’t say anything for a moment. Hux was the first to look away. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his drink. “You know, you were a lot easier to deal with when all I had to do was hate you,” Hux pointed out.

Ren huffed out a small laugh. “Sorry.”

Perhaps it was the exhaustion he felt from the long day, or his body’s anticipatory reaction to the alcohol, but Hux felt like something between the two of them had dissipated. Like they had suddenly become closer. “Why don’t you wear the mask anymore? You used to obsess over the damn thing, yet now it’s ‘non-essential’?” Hux asked.

Ren hesitated, and Hux saw his jaw tighten the way his own did when he was thinking hard about something. “It…in a sense, it made me feel closer to my grandfather. People feared him, respected him. When I started my training with Snoke, I heard hundreds of stories of Vader’s power. I thought that if I could emulate him, I would become that powerful. But now I understand that relying on a familial legacy won’t help me win any battles or sway anyone’s opinion of me. I must complete my training with Snoke, become powerful in my own right. Anything else, any sort of pretension or boast or tantrum,” he continued pointedly, earning a smirk from Hux, “is a distraction and impediment to real progress, real power.” He paused, taking a drink and shrugging his shoulders. “So. Non-essential.”

Hux shook his head, smiling. “I never thought I would find you admirable,” Hux confessed. He raised his glass to Ren before taking another drink. “It’s a shame you found this new philosophy just as you’re about to leave me.”

“Leave _you_ , or leave your ship?” Ren asked slyly.

Hux’s ears burned. “You know what I meant,” he said with forced nonchalance, standing up in order to distance himself from Ren. It was only when he’d taken a few steps that Hux realized he had no pretense for doing so. He leaned against the wall, running the tips of his fingers over the rim of his glass.

“Yes, I do,” Ren said evenly, following Hux’s movements with his eyes. “I think—I’m just guessing, obviously—but I think it must have been my reluctance to appear foolish or weak that prevented me from telling you how I feel about you.”

Ren spoke as though he was discussing nothing more important than the proper maintenance of thermal regulation units. Hux, meanwhile, nearly spilled scotch all over the floor. “How you feel about me?” he echoed, standing up straight and setting his glass on the shelf behind him. His tone came across as more acidic than necessary, an instinctive defense mechanism.

It was like a curtain had closed over Ren’s features. They became blank, unreadable, and Hux instantly regretted opening his mouth. “I have the utmost faith in your leadership capabilities and your skills as a military strategist, is what I meant,” Ren said, his voice even and emotionless as he set down his glass and stood up from the sofa, evidently not enjoying being literally talked down to. “No matter what others may say to the contrary.” Ren’s voice had softened, and Hux tried his best to ignore the knots in his stomach that he knew had nothing to do with the alcohol.

“Believe it or not, Ren, I don’t need your sympathy,” Hux said. His smile didn’t reach his eyes.

Ren moved closer, nearly closing the gap between them. “I’m not offering you sympathy,” he said softly.

Hux felt nearly immobilized under Ren’s gaze, the strange expression in his brown eyes. It was the same indefinable expression he’d seen on Ren’s face earlier that day, when they’d been standing close like this. Suddenly Hux understood. He understood the full import of the fluttering in his stomach, the blush on his face, the fact that his mind seemed at once chaotic and absolutely clear. And it was clear to him, even without reading Ren’s mind, that the other man understood as well.

Hux took a step closer, close enough to take Ren’s hand as a last-ditch effort to ensure he wasn’t completely misreading the situation. Evidently not; Ren impatiently pulled Hux to him and placed his free hand on Hux’s hip as if to keep him there. A smile tugged at the corners of Hux’s lips as he pressed them to Ren’s. Hux’s mind felt dulled; he didn’t notice whether or not Ren’s lips were soft, whether they tasted like scotch, whether Ren’s hands were warmer or colder than his own. There were only two thoughts in his head. One, that it was incredible that he should be kissing Kylo Ren at all, and two, that it was incredible that it should make him feel this wonderful.

They parted, finally, and Hux opened his eyes to see Ren smiling at him. Hux laughed, moving his free hand to the back of Ren’s neck. “If I had known this would happen, I would have given you a head injury ages ago.”

**Author's Note:**

> I unfortunately had to cut this a little short because I'm going to be traveling. A big thanks to tumblr user pollenruins for beta-reading this! She definitely also has an ao3 account but she refuses to tell me what it is, so :/


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